3 week update

when in bed last night I realised that it has now been three weeks since i stopped taking Vanlafaxine! despite the pneumonia i feel i am doing ok... here is my updated daily supplements routine.. my new magic pills:

AM:
50mg 5 htp
High Strength Omega 3
Multi Vitamin and Mineral
B Vitamin Complex with Vitamin C
Probiotic
Evening Primrose Oil

PM:

50mg 5 htp
High Strength Omega 3
Probiotic
Evening Primrose Oil


I am taking Kalms night or Nytol if needed.

beautiful bedtimes

I have wanted to get some new bedding ever since we moved into our new house in October! This is on my wish list for payday.. bit of retail therapy http://www.urbanoutfitters.co.uk/bin/venda?bsref=urbanoutfitters&log=22&mode=add&curpage=&next=undefined&ex=co_disp-shopc&buy=5532038250006&invt=5532038250006&ivref=5532038250006&bklist=&att1=Brown&att2=ALL&qty=1

Also on my shopping list:

Body brush for improved circulation and nice bath times
An eye test and some new glasses for a spruced up look
Supplements-more probiotic and 5 htp (post on how this is going soon!)

things i get sad about....

Comparing myself to other I am always inferior: Looks, holidays, social life, lifestyle, their happiness

That I give up on things i.e diet and exercise

That I don't have hobbies. I haven't found anything I enjoy or that I am good at.

Being sick/ ill

Having anxiety/depression all my life

Not having money to do things (being bad with my money)

Wasting my life.. dont know what I want to do, I dont want children, have no real aims or goals anymore.

Being lonely: don't have many friends, lack of social life, never go out or get invited anywhere.

Comparing my life to how it was; I have lost touch with groups of friends, i used to go out and be social but now don't. I used to have fun.

when does it get better

pneumonia

Day 13: So I tried to go to work on Monday after being up since 2:30am and having the worst weekend: coughing lungs up, blocked sinuses, wheezing, short of breath and heart palpitations.

Turns out I have pneumonia.

Words cant even describe how horrid and low I feel.

Have to take a week off work and really stressed about that. Antibiotics make me feel sick and keep getting panicky.

Who knows how long I can carry on like this.....

food and mood

Days 4 and 5: I have been to work!!!!!! this has been a constant fight and every second I feel sick or am in pain or feel like i'm losing my mind. Food seems to be really important to me at the moment, almost a marker of how ill I am- I think if I keep going fueling myself then I can keep going. 


I have been continuing to manage my symptoms with supplements-my routine is currently:


Vitamin C x3 daily
High Strength Omega 3 x3 daily
Painkillers
Kalms/Valerian tea 
Nytol at night


I have also ordered some 5 Htp and will see how that works. 


My symptoms are moving more into the flu like ones that are often described-the headache is still a killer but I have had less brain zaps and my heart seems a bit more stable in my chest! I do seem to get shivers and sometimes my whole body feels as though it is clenched. Sleeping is Ok once I can get to sleep but I get very agitated at night and find it hard to get comfortable. 


Have been doing loads of research and trying to boost the foods I should be eating so my cupboards and fridge includes:


Tuna-rich in Omega 3 but I am taking supplements too


Whey protein, offered by milk and other dairy products, has also been shown to reduce SSRI withdrawal symptoms like anxiety and frustration (this may be why I am drinking pints of milk-mega cravings!!!)


Bananas - supply mood-boosting carbohydrates and vitamin B6.


Oatmeal (porridge) and sweet potatoes and loads of turkey that provide the amino acid L-tryptophan which also trigger the release of serotonin


Foods that provide the B vitamin folate, such as spinach, whole grains, lentils and beets, are essential for maintaining healthy serotonin levels.


Chocolate- comforting and well...its chocolate!!!


 Almonds and spinach, rich in magnesium which is a critical nutrient when it comes to fighting stress and anxiety


I also find that eating regularly (every few hours) helps as it keeps my blood sugar levels up.. I have a glass of milk in the morning and some almonds and raisins for brekkie.

www.mind.org.uk

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/making_sense_of_coming_off_psychiatric_drugs#withdrawlvrelapse

Weekend from hell-Days 2 and 3:

My Boyfriends Mum came and visited today-I managed to get up and get a few things in the morning and just about hold it together. The plan was to go into Manchester to some galleries/museums and then have a meal at an awesome Japanese place but I couldn't go-when I moved my head I felt like I was being electrocuted and my heart was flipping in my chest. I was shivering and every muscle felt tense. I cried most of the day and felt so lonely and soooooooo angry. I have realised that when going through this you also regurgitated every feeling of depression and anxiety you have ever had. Sunday was worse-I again missed a meal with friends and spent the day in bed sobbing. When I stood up I was so unsteady on my feet and felt like I was going to pass out.

I can honestly say I wanted to die. 

Things that helped:

I managed to eat something

I had a bath

I stocked up on omega 3 and vitamin C supplements

I watched some stand up comedy on TV

cold turkey.. the journey begins

Last dose of Venlafaxine: Thursday 26th January 2012

So I've decided to write this to help reflect on this journey and to maybe help others who like me just needed another perspective. 

Due to error and lack of professional care from my GP Surgery, I have been left to go cold turkey from a very powerful antidepresant drug called venlafaxine. I was put on this drug after battling with anxiety and depression all my life and being shoved from one drug to another. I am now on day 5 and just about feel able to share my story. 

I just want to add that one reason I am doing this blog is because of the lack of advice and support given to me as a person who has decided to continue to pursue a cold turkey withdrawal. This is not the recommended approach and I in no way advocate it, I just had my choice taken away.

So the journey began.... this blog will take the form of symptom diaries, things that help, research and literature and probably a lot of outpourings. 

Day 1: Friday 27th January 2012

Felt OK today as I was on the extended release version of Venlafaxine and so it is making its way out of my body. Today has been spent in a spiral of panic and anger as I battled with my GP to be taken seriously and get an emergency prescription. Even my local pharmacist got on the phone to fight my corner!!!! but to no avail-I am told nothing and have no idea when I can get an appointment-if I am lucky I may get a phone call next Thursday. I resign myself to my fate and read some articles and blogs on going cold turkey from this drug; BIG MISTAKE the list of symptoms is endless and seem so much more worrying than when I have discontinued other SSRI medication:

brain zaps/ seizures/ headaches / dizziness/ electric shocks/ ringing in ears/ agitation/ insomnia/ depression/ tiredness/ lethargy/ sickness/ stomach cramps/ heart palpitation/ diarrhoea/ irritability/ anxiety/ hypomania/ psychotic symptoms.

SOMEONE EVEN SAID QUITING VENLAFAXINE WAS LIKE QUITING HEROIN!